Asking for help can be really hard. Over the last 10-12 months (or 10 years to be honest) Matt and I have had to pull all our resources just to make ends meet. I know we’re not alone, I know there are lots of people out there doing it tough but there is so much shame around not being able to support yourself - especially as a sensible adult with children that people often suffer in silence. I’ve never been quiet about anything so I wanted to reflect upon some of the things that have surprised me whilst hanging out at the bottom of the food chain.
Firstly - help is available if you're brave enough to ask. As a single income family we have been eligible for a few things I never knew existed like the Utility Relief Grant. This is a grant that all your utility service providers have access to on your behalf. It helps that we have a health care card but if you are having trouble paying your bill you could get up to $650 per bill to help cover the cost. Being out of work, a change in workable hours, even having to pay a large car repair bill can all be reasons that you might need assistance.
I’ve spoken to Central Highlands Water and AGL about access to the Utility Relief Grant and both the women I spoke to were very understanding and I felt like they both went out of their way to make sure we’ll get the maximum benefits of the grant. Having empathetic people in these situations changes the whole experience for the customer. I felt like I was doing the right thing and that there was no shame at all about asking for help.
I can contrast this situation with going to the bank and asking to take out money from our mortgage account for our land. There were only a few hundred bucks there and the teller made us feel like we were junkies drawing out our last few coins for our next hit. It was so shit - we both had to go in and do a manual withdrawal to get a few hundred bucks. There was so much shame around it. The customer experience was gross and given we were already feeling rubbish about it, we walked out feeling even more awful than when we walked in.
I appreciate that our situation is unique. Not many (sane) people have gambled so much on a vision that didn’t eventuate. Ironically we had a call this week from a woman who was excited and ready to build her house using HUCX. She was sad to learn that we’d had to close the business because she loved the product - so did we lady! It is a good reminder in the aftermath that what we were trying to create was awesome. It can be easy to see our choices in a negative light when we haven't bounced back like we would’ve hoped.
When we decided to close HUCX we did it because we still have enough value in our tiny bit of land to pay back all the overdrawn accounts and outstanding bills. Fast forward 10 months and the land we wanted to sell for $220K (council value) is looking like it might sell for $160K. Through no fault of our own, there just haven't been any takers and now it looks like our safety net and why we stopped when we did, might not cover all the debt after all. It’s heart breaking but what can you do?
All we can do is remember how privileged we are in other areas of our life. In the parts that really matter. We’re grateful for our health (especially after being so sick during the school holidays). We’re grateful for all the beautiful people we have in our lives - friends and family alike. We’re grateful that we are resilient and will be able to take this time in our lives and turn it into a positive.
Like any good brief, having restrictions forces you to be creative and one of the best things that has come out of our tiny budget has been our weekly food shopping routine. We have to stick to a strict meal plan that we decide on as a family every Saturday morning. We then go to the grocer and super market together as a family to buy everything we need for the week. If it's not on the list, we don’t buy it but we still manage to get treats because the kids get to spend their pocket money (a dollar per year so Alice is $8 and Frank is $9).
Giving the kids the responsibility of how they spend their money has been a great lesson in opportunity cost and it's fun seeing how they spend their money each week, or better yet, save it for something bigger. Frank is saving a drone right now and is doing a great job monitoring his spending. I feel like I’ve mentioned this many times but this family routine, born from necessity, is now one of the highlights of our week. One of the kids even brought home a drawing from school of their ‘favourite thing to do’ which was a picture of us doing the food shopping on a Saturday morning.
It's been super helpful reading The Dreaming Path through this period of our lives as it speaks to indigenous values around material assets. In Aboriginal culture you don’t own anything. Everything is part of a balanced system where you never take more than you need and always give back. Ownership is a foreign idea. Excess is frowned upon.
Despite the fact that our situation isn’t ideal there are important lessons to be learnt in living within our means and not taking things for granted. I want to pass these onto the kids because if they can find contentment and comfort in the simple things in life then they will live a good life, like we are now. I share this story today not as a cry for help, not to make others feel sorry for us or feel bad that things are going well for them. I share it because I know that there are stacks of people not doing as well as they thought they would be and there is lots of shame around it.
As a family of four who lived off $39,000 last financial year (yes, I’ve already done my 24/25 tax return because we’ll get most of our tax back - whoop!) I want to assure you that money doesn’t bring you happiness. It has taken me years to really believe this but when you don’t have any options and you just have to make do with what you have, it forces a profound change in mindset. We only get one life, why spend it wanting more and not appreciating what we already have. When I look at the numbers then look at the incredibly rich and fulfilling life we live, there is no correlation.
