No one is coming to rescue you. No one is going to hand you the life you want. That's on you.
I read this line from Mel Robbins' The Let Them Theory and it felt like a slap in the face. No one is coming to rescue me. No one is going to hand me the life I want. What a bummer. Despite my constant reflection, I honestly hadn’t given ‘my life’ much attention over the last 10 years. Maslow’s hierarchy of needs has had us anchored to the base in survival mode which doesn’t leave a lot of air for self-actualization or planning beyond the immediate future so I haven’t.
After the grandiose plans for HUCX and building our own home have faded away to a pile of lessons learnt the hard way, it has been hard to imagine anything beyond just being able to pay the rent every fortnight. I have plans of course - things I’d like to do such as the Williamson Community Leadership Program next year but that all depends if I qualify for a scholarship or some kind of grant. It’s not exactly a solid plan - yet.
I was walking the lake this week with a friend and I was talking excitedly about applying for this leadership program and they asked me why I wanted to do it. Embarrassingly I admitted that I’m not quite sure why but I just know that something amazing will come out of it. After doing Future Shapers last year, I know how transformative these types of experiences can be if you give it your all. I honestly believe I’m an opportunity magnet because I put myself in situations like this. It wasn’t a practically strong response and I’ll have to elaborate quite a bit if I want to submit a convincing application worthy of a scholarship but it’s what I was thinking at the time.
This was before I rudely discovered that no one is coming to rescue me and no one is going to hand me the life I want. The response I offered was from a person who has offered up their destiny to the wind and is just hoping that someone influential will notice that she has more to offer the world so will catapult her to the next amazing stage of life. There is no plan, no set course, just hopefully something important, fulfilling and meaningful sitting just beyond the horizon.
It doesn’t mean that I don’t consider the work I do now important, fulfilling and meaningful but something even MORE important, fulfilling, meaningful and perhaps better paid. I see slivers of this peaking through in my writing, when someone writes back saying that they felt seen or something resonated. I felt a lot of it when I spoke at the Women’s Leadership Program a few weeks ago. Sharing those lessons we’d learnt the hard way had a pretty profound effect on the people I was speaking to. There are sprinkles of it through my work in the Tech School as I support and encourage students and my colleagues. Without sounding like a wanker - I get off on inspiring others.
Coincidentally, the opening sentence of ‘The Let Them Theory’ is “At the age of 41, I found myself $800,000 in debt, unemployed, and watching my husband’s restaurant business crumble. It felt like we had failed at life with no hope of ever escaping debt.” You could’ve swapped out Mel’s name for mine, adjusted the amounts and industry and it could be the opening statement for a book about my life. I felt very seen. Too seen perhaps! Mel goes one to share her ‘Let Them / Let Me theory which is basically stoicism 101, we can’t control other people so stop wasting energy trying to do so and refocus it on how you can respond.
I have loved and lived this idea ever since I discovered it. It brings all responsibility for my well being back into my hands. External validation is no longer required for me to feel good about myself and appreciating how influential my response can be, especially when dealing with jerks has been incredibly empowering. I’m not invincible but not too far off it either.
Mel’s journey has similarities with mine in that a friend of hers said she should share her experience at a conference - that conference just happened to be one of the first ever TedX’s. She went from living her life to sharing it with millions almost overnight. She now spends most of her time travelling the world giving keynotes, writing books and has a #1 podcast. When I really dig deep, I want this to happen to me. I want to get paid stacks to travel the world, meet people and inspire anyone that needs it. I have no idea if I would be successful but I don’t think that really matters.
Mel writes about how she got started by setting up a website and reaching out to her network to see if they needed any keynote speakers. It took her 2 full years to be brave enough to post about her public speaking on social media (where lots of traction is made in that space). She didn’t want people to think she was being vain or arrogant - who would want to pay to listen to her life story. This is where I feel most seen of all. You cut through to crux Mel.
Who would pay to listen to me bounce around a room telling you how pumped I am that we were so broke that we just qualified for a health care card! The thing is I know people would. If you're reading this very blog then you're complicit in confirming my story is worth sharing! I’ve got emails and messages from people literally telling me I’ve inspired them. What I’ve realised this week is that if no one is going to hand me this life I want, I’m just going to have to do it myself.
Part of me is nervous. What if it’s a complete flop. What if promoting myself as a keynote speaker fails miserably? It's 100% going to be embarrassing and uncomfortable. There is another part of me that doesn’t give a fuck. So what. What have I got to lose? What if I spent the next 10 years waiting for someone to realise that I’m awesome and expert at getting people excited about all sorts of shit!
This realisation came to me all at once while I was reading the other night. I put my book down and told Matt that I think I need to start promoting myself as a keynote speaker. He looked up and said, sure babe, then asked what would you speak about? I didn’t know so asked perplexity - AI that I feed with all 282 blogs and anything else I’d done online and this is what it offered up when I asked for potential topics…
Networking as a Superpower: Building Meaningful Professional Relationships
Being Present: Finding Purpose in the Everyday
Vulnerability and Authenticity in Creative Leadership
The Power of Boundaries in Creative Work
Designing for People: Insights-Driven Creative Solutions
The High-Return Opportunity: Prioritizing What Matters in Your Business
Not bad but not quite right either! It's a start and one step closer to building the life I want. I have no idea what the next steps will be or look like but I do know that no one is going to do it for me. It’s up to me to build the life I want just like it's up to you to build yours! Let's get cracking.
