Late start today! It’s been a massive week that has led straight into a four day weekend with the kids getting Friday off along with King's birthday on Monday. Four days on, Fours days off. I don’t normally work four days at the Tech School but I did this week because we had one of my favourite days - a student leader program day. As part of our Girls in STEM (GIS) and Boys in STEM (BIS) we have 6 alumni from each join us the following year as student leaders.
The student leader's main role is to help us run the GIS and BIS days - with 60 students each, the more hands on deck the better. Since they have completed largely the same program last year they offer invaluable assistance, especially when it comes to engaging fellow students who might be feeling nervous about meeting so many people they might not know.
As well as taking part of the two program days we also have one day per term dedicated to our student leaders. These are one of my favourite days at the Tech School. They’re part practical as we work out roles and responsibilities for the upcoming program days and part leadership program that has been tailored from their feedback from last year. Interestingly, the majority of students wanted to focus on improving their communication and public speaking skills so we’ve developed a communication program especially for them.
We also include some special guests and this week we had some of the most special guests with alumni from Future Shapers 2024 - my old class mates. The purpose of the gathering was to spark some curious conversations between leaders both future and current. It was an opportunity for our students to practise their communications skills and the Future Shapers to share their thoughts around leadership and what it means to them.
I knew this meeting of minds would go well but I underestimated how profound the whole experience would be for everyone. Before our FS guest arrived I had a conversation with our students about the art and power of curious questioning. There are lots of important papers and articles written about the topic but I decided to share my version where I explain conversations like a game of ping pong or tennis. I ask something, you respond, then I ask something else, then you respond. If the conversation is good then you’ll respond with a question for me and I’ll be able to return an answer. The object of this rally is that you find a common thread or interest that will fuel the game moving forward.
When we meet new people it can be intimidating. Especially if you're a young person. This is why most people find networking so difficult. It requires a certain amount of vulnerability to even initiate a conversation with a stranger. I shared the following story that helped me realise that I shouldn’t be intimidated by anyone because we’re all just people - regardless of your job or position in life.
Before I moved to Australia back in 2004 I had a boyfriend who was in a band. They did pretty well in the Wellington scene but all moved to Australia to become rock stars. They took themselves very seriously and put musicians on a pedestal. Being in my late teens/early 20’s I felt pretty intimidated by the whole thing. I didn’t play an instrument and didn’t feel like I could meaningfully contribute to their intense music conversations. Which was all they ever spoke about. I very much felt on the outside. Fast forward a few years and members of the original band had varying levels of success in the music scene but very few gave up their day jobs.
Matt on the other hand, my now husband, formed a band with a few mates from the pub that ended up being rather successful and travelled across Australia and Europe more than once. Regardless of their success they never put themselves above anyone else and really removed any exclusive vibes I’d previously felt with my earlier band experience. The more I leaned into this, and perhaps because I was older and generally more confident, the less intimated I felt. I was hanging out in green rooms with real rock stars bonding over the latest Game of Thrones episodes.
Rather than being intimidated, and worried about meeting them at their level of expertise, I just focused on finding something we had in common and I haven’t really looked back. What I didn’t understand when I was younger was that people pretty much just want to talk about themselves. It makes them feel important and heard and to do that you need to keep asking questions. The conversation goes from mediocre to great when you find that topic that you can both contribute to. It could be anything.
I’ve made friends over discussion about washing routines, misbehaving kids, cool sneakers, interesting outfits, nearly tripping over and the same coffee order. I’ve bonded over having the same name as someone, the best one yet is the other Jess Kelly in Ballarat whom I instantly connected with. My point to the student was that you have something to offer and all you have to do is find that common interest by being curious.
Of course this doesn’t always work but using the ping pong analogy again, it normally because it’s a one sided game. One word answers are the worst because they’re hard to mine for commonality. They're not always going to work but that’s no reason not to try. Sometimes you have to be patient. My fellow Future Shapers are masters of curious questions so their conversations were rich and flowed freely.
I was so proud of everyone - it was the bringing together of two separate but very relevant areas of my life and the outcome was awesome. Feedback from one of the Future Shapers was “This was one of the most rewarding experiences I’ve had. I was fortunate enough to chat to three young leaders from very different backgrounds. They seemed genuinely stoked to have adults ask them questions and to show an interest, they shared so much about themselves. I was so impressed with them.”
As a parent I was moved by this feedback. Our young people are so often overlooked. It’s easy as a parent to settle into autopilot where you ask the same questions, like ‘how was school today?’ and don’t dive too much deeper into the generic response of ‘good’. Seeing all our students open up revealed that it's not that they don’t want to share, it's that we need to create the right spaces for them to do so. Not every young person is going to be taught how to have curious conversation then meet a bunch of adults trained in the art but I think all of us have young people in our lives that would benefit from spending more time asking curious questions.
