I go through stages when I wake up at 3.30am on the dot. It’s like I set an alarm that stops ringing the instant I wake up. Sometimes I don't even bother to check what time it is because I know that it will be 3.30am or there abouts. A few things can happen this early in the morning. Best case I simply fall back into a restful sleep. Most of the time I thrash around for a while, decide I need to go to the toilet, then conclude it must be Matt's breathing that’s keeping me awake and finally I take a Melatonin, knowing that this is not how they work but do it anyway. If I’m lucky, I get back to sleep before Matt’s alarm goes off at 4.30am, if not then it's a series of interruptions until my phone chimes at 5.40am. This morning was the latter. I just couldn’t get back to sleep, no matter how hard I tried to calm my brain. 

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I’ve learnt not to fight against the tornado of thoughts that start charging through my head in the wee hours. If I’m awake anyway then I might as well spend the time wisely organising the day ahead. I have to be careful because I get really excited about new projects and ideas so I have to make sure I’m doing a calm reflection rather than an energetic brainstorm or I’ll never get back to sleep. I often read if I’m getting carried away, which happens a lot. This morning I was reading Gravity Let Me Go by Trent Dalton. Having done so much writing for my book lately, I have a new found appreciation for the way people write. Word choice, how authors use dialogue, the flow of time. All fascinating. 

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I wish I’d had more time to reflect on my own writing before I sent it off to my editor, Anna, a few weeks ago. Not necessarily because I wanted to improve it but because there were whole sections of it that I wrote in a flurry, read through once, then continued on. By the end of it there was too much to read through so I just had to hit send and hope for the best. Irresponsible maybe. Especially if this is the only book I’ll ever write, shouldn’t I have taken the time to painstaking read through it and make sure I was happy with everything I submitted? Possibly but I’m also a big believer in 80%. Perfection is the elusive killer of good and 80% makes feedback far more palatable. In this case, I might have been closer to 60% but that's why I’m working with a professional. I could've spent days agonising over the words I used or I could fire it off and hope that I don’t offend anyone, much like this blog. On average I read through the whole blog 1.5 times before I send it out into the world. You can probably tell write? With all the typos but it also feels like it was written by a human who was trying to get their thoughts onto the page however they could. 

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This morning it felt like I was in the eye of the brain storm. I’ve had a few calm weeks after getting back from speaking in NZ and handing in my manuscript. All the writing, the talking and the 100 videos in 100 days made my days feel remarkably loud. I’ve been feeling quieter plus the whole family got sick which knocked us all out for a week or two. I’ve been enjoying the down time, especially doing the 1000 piece Bob Ross puzzle I got for my birthday. My god, I love a good puzzle. I will neglect everything else in my life to get that next hit of satisfaction when a puzzle piece fits. Finishing the puzzle coincides with feeling human again and I can see I’m in the eye of the storm. Everything is whirling around, waiting for me to engage again.  

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That's what kept me awake this morning. What to do next. I have 6 massive weeks left at the Tech School which will fly by because we have all our major events including the Boys/Girls in STEM program which has our showcase evenings. These evenings are what the student leaders have been working towards all year. They MC the whole event and put all of the awesome communication skills we’ve been working on to great use. We have Koorie Motion Lab which is a personal favourite and we have the End of Year Forum that brings all of the Tech School and Science and Maths Centres staff together. All 250 of us. I’m co-MCing the event because it’s potentially my next career plus I want to go out with a bang and help create an awesome event! 

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While all this is happening I’ll get my manuscript back with notes so will have to get reacquainted with my own words and start working on the design! I can’t wait to work on the cover. I have 1000 ideas and think that sharing the process, much like my 100 videos in 100 days, is going to be the way forward because I MUST keep promoting my book! I’ve had a wee break but I’m still $4k off my goal to print 250 books. Best case I can print 1000 but I need to do WAY more promoting. And it has to be me. No one is going to promote this book if I don’t do it. So it’s back on the meta horse for me. A huge thanks by the way to everyone who has prepurchased a book! You're amazing and I love you! 

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I’m obviously excited by all of this. How lucky am I to have all this shit happening in my life. I haven't even touched on the second job interview I’m having next week or the awesome event I’m attending in a couple of weeks. No wonder my head was buzzing at 3.30am. Having these quiet few weeks offered some respite before we charged full steam ahead to the end of the year! Yeeha!